Is This Where the Homeschool Calm Was Hiding All Along?

Our kids will never be this small again, and it’s our job to notice it, notice it, notice it.

But sometimes, that job feels hard when we’re buried in laundry piles shoved behind closed doors, cooking for the third time before noon, juggling multiple learning schedules and styles, and anticipating what our family needs next. What’s for dinner? What books do I need to put on hold from the library? What’s the sports schedule like this week? What’s the co-op schedule? What did I volunteer for?

And then, amidst all of those questions floating around in your head like dollar bills in a money machine, you overhear your child’s conversation on the phone with their grandparents.

So, honey, what did you learn today in homeschool?

*Dread*. What will they say? Will they remember the skeletal system? The cross-number puzzles you struggled with together? The new vocabulary words? The history lesson?

“Nothing. I’m bored, Grandma.”

Have you ever wished you could send your lesson plans like a bat signal to the people who were worried about you homeschooling?

“LOOK OVER HERE TO ANYONE WORRIED! YOUR FAVORITE TINY HUMANS ARE SAFE IN MY HANDS! I’VE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!”

Notice.

Or maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe you wish you could hide those lesson plans because, although you know they’re doing just fine, if someone were to see how you’ve abandoned the rigidity of the school system’s schedule to do things in the way that works for your family, you know they’d clutch their pearls and mumble, “Oh, what an interesting approach.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could unmask everything without worry of what others would say? If we could let down our armour? If we could acknowledge that we do school a ‘lil bit differently, but our kids are still learning and growing and in good hands? That we could show up at the Thanksgiving table and not feel like an interrogation light has instantly shone on our face? That we could let the kids be kids and not feel like they’re underneath an interrogation light, too?

And wouldn’t it be nice that instead of worrying about all of that *waves hands wildly at the the weight of the words above*, we could just focus on being present more with our kids to notice all their beautiful little personality quirks, learning styles, new found interests, and that glimmer of excitement in their eyes when we crack open a new book?

The truth is, we can, but...

Before we can clear that mental fog, we must first bat the clouds away that hide ourselves, and realize it’s our first time on earth, too.

Parenting has a way of drawing you back to your own childhood.

Big picture, speaking, the Wild West of the 90s wasn’t that long ago. Still, it feels like forever ago because we grew up in a time when we were still insulated from technology (thank GOD) and still free enough to roam the streets until the lights came on. We didn’t have the instant gratification we do now. We had to actually go to the store. We had to actually circle times in that newspaper TV Guide if we wanted to watch our favorite shows. If we wanted to rebel, there weren’t tracking devices on our phones making sure we were where we said we’d be. There was less scrutiny of our lives, which meant fewer opportunities to notice things.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately, as my kids beg for their own unfettered phone freedom (hard NO for me, thank you very much). The phones, Amazon, YouTube, all of it is normal to them. That glass rectangle in the palm of my hand? It’s normal to them, too.

Have they noticed me?

Have they noticed how distracted I can get by it?

Have they noticed me not noticing because I’m so distracted by it?

Have they felt me not noticing those little moments because I’m looking down to answer an email, a Slack message from a client, or a text message?

Have they felt me not noticing their glimmers in their eyes because I’m buried in lesson planning or sifting through the materials we need?

Of course they have. I’ve created this reality for us. Their noticing me not noticing has weighed heavily lately.

But pretending I don’t need my phone to keep up in today’s world isn’t realistic. Pretending I don’t have needs too makes me anxious. Pretending I can focus my attention on all places at all times makes me uncomfortable. Pretending I don’t have requirements as a mom, a wife, and a professional makes everything more complicated because now I’m giving twice the energy to pretending things are easy.

Pretending to have it all perfectly put together sets our nervous systems on fire, making us crumble into a pile of ash at the first hint of questioning from a (usually) well-intended audience.

So, how do we notice those little moments? How do we become more present in a world filled with interrogation lights and micro-moments we don’t want to be too blind to miss? How do we soak up all the beauty of homeschooling our kids, spending time with our littles (even in their tween years), and embracing the beauty of the holiday season?

How do we put down our armour and see our value as imperfect moms? Imperfect people?

It’s a question I’ve been wrestling with a lot lately because I want to notice, notice, notice. I don’t want to miss a thing. I want the conversations. I want the open lines of communication. I want to be their safe landing space.

And yet, while this probably sounds grossly selfish, I need the same for me. I don’t want to miss out on an idea as it flickers into my overly stuffed mind. I want to be able to hear myself think. I want to give myself space to be creative again. I want to give myself grace again. Because even though we can put on a show externally, oftentimes it’s easy to not feel nearly as put together internally.

I felt this the other day when I was talking to a friend via voice note during my workout. I squeezed in a conversation between squeezing in a workout. My day is full of layers. I have detailed lists. I have rigid routines. I have really big emotions when things get out of whack (especially before 8 am). I feel perpetually behind. I feel perpetually on edge. I feel mentally exhausted from managing those emotions.

How can we notice all the little moments when we’re under pressure to perform at home, at work, and for our kids?

We need to pull the pressure release valve.

As I got to thinking about it more, I realized the last time I pulled that valve, and how good it felt to have everything feel put together for a hot second. It was July.

In July, I had the school year mostly planned out. I knew our routine. I knew our activity schedule. I knew our travel schedule. I knew what we were going to do and the lessons we were going to do. I’d even buffered in weeks of time off to give us a plenty long runway for things to go sideways or shift.

And they did, as they often do. But instead of feeling like the world was crumbling in the middle of that shift, I felt somewhat prepared. I knew we had time. I knew the base of our schedule was still where it was supposed to be. I knew we’d be okay because I had a flexible plan.

Better yet, I didn’t take anyone but our nuclear family into consideration. My only focus was on my kids’ happiness, their learning style, and what fascinated us.

I didn’t have to perform. I had a plan, and that was all I needed.

Maybe, as we enter this season of slowing down while simultaneously speeding up, we take note. Maybe it’s time to focus only on the nuclear family and shed the worry about what others think. Imagine what it would feel like if we didn’t feel we had to prove ourselves to outsiders, and the only standards we held close were the ones we set up for our family.

I thought homeschooling meant teaching my kids, but it actually meant showing others that the public school system isn’t the only way. Turns out, having a plan is the cure for the mental fog. The comparison syndrome. The weight we carry on our shoulders.

Because maybe the real way to notice the successes in your homeschooling isn’t by trying to do something your kids will run and share with Grandma at all...

Maybe the key to noticing the little things is to build a home life that makes the external noticing irrelevant.

A Spunky Community and Planning Strategy for Homeschool Parents Who Want to Show Up, Feel Supported, and Share Their Ideas in a Calmer, More Organized, Brave New Way.

I am SO excited to launch this, and as a thank you for being an early, committed member, I’m throwing in A FUN DEAL. 🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁

When you upgrade to a Founding Member or Annual Member right now, you will get:

1. 🌟 The Homeschool Planning Accelerator Course!

This course is the hidden mechanics behind a flowing homeschool. It’s concrete skills you’ll be able to use in your next planning session, so your year stops feeling like a panic-induced fire drill (aren’t we all so thankful our kids are avoiding those anxiety-inducing events in public school?!).

It’s the key to making your own schedule, your own life, and your own path feel like it’s held together with love (and a few sticky notes). From December 7 - 11, I’ll send you a quick-and-FUN step you can take every day to plan out your next semester. This process will be one you’ll love repeating time and again because it’s so simple.

And, it works well with any homeschooling style. This isn’t me telling you what to teach. It’s me showing you how to find what works for your family and develop a plan that’ll feel SO good in motion.

2. A Private Community of Others Who Get It

No more showing up worried about what others think. Surround yourself with other homeschool parents who get this education style. We’re talking about everything from curriculum to carrying the weight of being responsible for teaching your kids, and of course, all of the FUN that goes into this beautiful life!

This special 15% discount is only available until November 30th. After that, the price goes up.

Homeschool Flow is officially OPEN, and I can’t wait to welcome you into our virtual roller rink!